Love Alone is Not Enough

Finally, we have talked and finally you have uttered the things I so long wanted to hear.  They were just hunches and feelings then, and now they speak the words of reality.  You said, "Love alone is not enough."  I thought to myself, "Love never says enough."

I don't know but this song captures the feelings within. 

Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol

We'll do it all, everything on our own , we don't need anything or anyone. If I lay here, if if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? I don't quite know how to say, how I feel.  Those three words are said too much but not enough. If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told, before we get too old, show me a garden that's bursting into life.  Let's waste time chasing cars around our heads.  I need your grace to remind me to find my own. If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told, before we get too old, show me a garden that's bursting into life.  All that I am , all that I ever was is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see. I don't know where, confused about how as well, just know that these things will never change for us at all.  If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Leading by Example

This entry will be about the lessons i learned in project management. This Saturday, we finally had our defense in our capstone project in MIS.  And being the project manager, I had one of the most important lessons as a leader of a team - to lead by example.  Last semester, our group, the iTranscend Solutions, were regarded as the "best group so far" (quoted from Allan Ko) during the defense of our project plan.  Come second semester, during its implementation, the success of our project was compromised due to the delay in the project schedule.  I have to admit that I am not a techie person and I find system development very technical to me.  In addition, the resignation of our former project sponsor made a negative impact to the whole team, especially I guess to me as much pressure was put on what needs to be done next.  Hence, I was not able to participate very well in the development of the system including its testing where I have the primary responsibility.  With this in the process, siloism of roles and responsibilities was observed among the team members.  Eventually, there had been an observed delay in schedule and much of this can be attributed to poor coordination and communication among the members of the team.  The result was a system that lacks industry standards in terms of function and aesthetics, a major comment of the defense panelists.

Although the project can be considered generally as a success, the panelists made a comment about the lack of a certain vision beyond all possible measures that were set in the beginning.  This struck me most because as a person, I have known myself to be a visionary leader, someone who is driven to do things because he knows the cause and purpose of every endeavor, although this time, it was not exercised.  I guess there could be several factors involved like the lack of good rapport among the team members and also the lack of openness for constructive criticisms.  As for myself, I also had my own comments about the system even during its development, however, I was not able to air them out to the persons assigned since I think I detached myself too far.  I was afraid I had no right to comment or give feedback since I was not able to contribute much in the activity.  I believe I can be an effective project manager but only this time, I was not able to lead by example.  I realized that one of the things to lead effectively is to lead by example - to lead so that others may see what you see and to lead so that others may believe in what you believe. 

Nevertheless, I wanted to thank my colleagues in the iTranscend Solutions for a job well done the whole year round.  Nice working with you guys.

Coming soon, I have to study for my grand theo orals and the succeeding exams and projects for the next week.  Apparently, this IS my last academic year in my entire school life.  Wish me luck!

All About Love and the Future

A Post-Valentines Date

Since Feb 14 came on a weekday, and since the whole week was full of exams and deadlines of projects, and also since hugmate has work on that day, we decided to celebrate it on a Saturday!  Yes for this year, our valentines was not Feb 14 but Feb 17.

I was planning to take her in a so-called best-kept secret Itallian restaurant somewhere in Cubao, its name is Tratorria Uno.  My roommate told me that it is cozy and that there are only a few people who knew about the place so that hugmate and I can really enjoy our time.  He also said  that the food is great.  But when I got there to check the place twenty minutes before we met, the place was really empty.  It was dark and it gave me an eery feeling.  In fairness, the place was good for couples who wanted intimate moments together.  But I guess it won't be a good place where hugmate and I can talk much and enjoy our times together.  Maybe some other time.

So we spent the day by eating lunch first in Pizza Hut Bistro, watched Music and Lyrics starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore, and ate our dinner in Sbarro (whew! it was an Itallian day!).  I knew it was like the normal going-out time and I knew it was different compared to our old happy days when everything was simpler and more intimate, but I guess for now we just have to live what we have and look forward to the time when we both have a common world to spend our lives together.  I am hopeful and I will be waiting for that time.  I love her.

A Call from my Long-time No-see Relatives

The next day, I thought it would just be about work and deliverables and projects as I was to spend the whole day with my groupmates to finish our thesis in MIS.  But what a surprise when minutes before meeting my groupmates, I received a call from my mother telling me that she is with our relatives in GenSan.  I was able to talk to Ate Babylyn and Auntie Nitz who I haven't seen for years.  The conversaton was quite long and the things that they told me brought a smile on my face.  They were asking about how my studies are and that I should not marry anytime soon (Good Lord, it will still happen in a decade! haha.. ).  I knew mommy was behind these things.  But nevertheless, I was glad they called.  For a moment, I felt the the love and presence of my family once again.

A Night with my Old High School Friends

And who said that my weekend will end like what I thought it would be?  Surprisingly, I received a call again, this time from Mour, telling me that Miguel, our old high school friend was in Manila.  You know, everytime this happens, a sort of reunion will immediately gather the marisian friends who are now studying here.  Bintoy was not in the pic because he was also out in a group meeting (good thing mine just got finished that time).  We ate in Steak Joint (if i'm not mistaken) somewhere in Timog.  And afterwards while on the trip sending each one home, we can't help but talk about this phenomenon called "growing old".  We both talked about work and love life and our future plans.  It scared us because change and uncertainty is inevitable but again we are hopeful that someday, we can be who we dream of becoming to be.  It had been a long time since we last met as a group, thanks to Miguel for giving us the reason to do it again despite the busy soon-to-end college life. 

Oh no, next week will be our last academic week - the last of my entire school life.  Sad.  Happy.  Mixed.

IT is not bad after all

I have decided long ago and I really promised myself that as much as possible, I wanted to keep myself away from IT-related jobs.  Maybe because I am not so contented with my course and perhaps this made it hard for me to accept IT all four years of my college life.  Now I am thinking twice.

This Saturday, I was invited to attend the company presentation of HP Global Delivery Philippines Center in their building in Makati.  Pretty much, it was a whole day of selling their company to us and I did expect some brainwashing moments, not to mention all the freebies that we get every time we answer a question, the good lunch and the promise that we have the advantage to get in since we are supposedly the crema de la crop in Ateneo.  But what is striking about that day is when I realized that HP can also offer a "non-IT" job.  I mean it is an IT-company but it is not just about programming and software development.  Perhaps I should now redefine what IT is for me.  I used to hate IT because I really can't see myself all day sitting in front of the computers, worrying about the code bugs, and doing a routine like that for the rest of my life.

All the while I have this dilemma of where to work and what work to do and where my core competencies are.  I do believe that I have a conscious effort to have a breadth of skills that is why I would not want to get stuck to a specific work area.  I wanted to manage not just systems but the organization itself.  And this, I realized I can also find in HP.

Plus there is a bonus.  You get to travel a lot (all expenses paid) to accomodate your global clients.  They promised to give you competitive pay and benefits that are covertible and a forced Christmas leave, something that I really need because I wanted to stay for a longer time with my family in Davao during these holidays.

So I guess working in an IT-company is not that bad after all.  HP, I guess is a good place to work in.  But of course I'm keeping myself open to other companies.  IBM Business Services is also offering a fast-track management training program and maybe this could also work.  And there are still other companies whose main line is really management like my previous internship company, Globe and all other companies to whom I passed my applications.  Maybe I just have to discern more where I can see myelf improve, grow and be possibly the best I can for me, for my family and for the country.

I have no decisions yet.  Only realizations that IT is not bad after all.

Pagtataya

Induction.

Hindi nga ba't sa tuwing nababanggit ang salitang ito sa konteksto ng AtSCA, umaapaw sa ating mga isipan ang mga tanong na: "ano ito?" "bakit?" at lalung-lalo na "paano?"  At kung susubukan nating hanapin ang sagot sa mga tanong, may isang uri muna ng katahimikan na bumabalot sa ating sarili na tila nagpapahiwatig ng kalaliman ng kahulugan nito.

Hindi ko alam kung totoo rin sa ibang AtSCAn ang nasabi kong karanasan ngunit madalas sa hindi, ito ang nangyayari sa akin.  Ang pagbabahagi kong ito ay isang pagsusumubok na maipahiwatig ang induction ng AtSCA dahil para sa akin, ang tawag na magtaya ay lumalampas sa kahit anong maaaring sabihin, dahil  ang iyong pinagtatayaan ay Siya mismo.

Sa tatlong taon ko bilang inducted member, masasabi kong puno ito ng magkahalong kasiyahan, kahirapan, pagkagalit, pag-asa at kaluwalhatian.  Sa loob ng AtSCA, marami ang hinihiling at hinihingi sa iyo: maglingkod sa organisasyon sa pamamagitan ng pamumuno at paghubog ng kapwa miyembro.  Dito ko sa AtSCA lubos na naintindihan ang sinasabing pamumunong paglingkod o servant leadership.  Mahirap maging EB sa AtSCA, oras at paninindigan ang iyong puhunan.  Mahirap nga ngunit sapat nang malaman at makitang tumutubo ang iyong mga hinuhubog.  Kada taon, tuwing nakikita ko ang mga lumuluhod sa harapan ng altar upang bigkasin ang kanilang dasal pagtataya, isang di-maipaliwanag na kasiyahan ang talaga kong nararamdaman.  

Minsan, naitatanong natin sa isa't isa, bakit ba tayo nagpainduct? Walang malinaw na sagot.  Ngunit may mapapansin kang kabuoang pahayag sa bawat isa, "…dahil Siya kasi."

Sa tingin ko, kung naghahanap tayo ng tunay na esensya ng induction, makikita natin ito sa galaw ng bawat isa sa atin.  Ang tawag na magtaya ay maisasakatuparan lamang sa pagkilos at pagsasaganap ng mismong nagtataya.  Sa AtSCA natin sinmulan ang pagtatayang ito.  Ang mas malaking hamon ngayon ay kung papaano mo isasabuhay ang buhay inducted sa labas ng organisasyong nagbigay sa atin ng pormasyon upang maglingkod at kumilos para sa Diyos at para sa bayan.

Ang tuon ng bawat pagkilos ng inducted member ay walang iba kundi ang Diyos.  Sa bawat desisyon, sa bawat kilos, kahit na sa punto ng pagkakamali, magtitiwala tayo sa Kanya dahil mayroong Siya na sa tingin ko ay nagtataya rin para sa atin.  May hinanda na Siyang landas; kailangan lamang natin ito tahakin.  Kaya magtataya tayo.

Ang paglalakbay na ito ay kailan man hindi matatapos.  Patuloy tayong nagtatanong dahil patuloy tayong nakakaharap ng panibagong buhay.  At sa pagtatanong na ito ay hinahanap natin ang bagong mukha ng induction ngunit sabay iyon na iyon pa rin dahil mayroon tayong binabalikang alaala.  Ang alaalang marahil ay makahuhuli ng buong kahulugan ng ating pagtataya at makapagbibigay ng payak ngunit sadyang malalim na kasagutan.  Sa bawat tanong ng buhay sa liwanag ng induction, maaalala natin ang pagkakataon noong lumuhod tayo sa harapan Niya at sinabi nating, "Oo, Panginoon ko".